Senin, 28 Maret 2016

Afterschool routine

The clock was ticking as i am waiting for the bell to ring. Everybody in the class starts yawning and makes annoying sounds. The teacher was explaining so much. Finally! The bell rang, and it means that it's time to go home. As the bell rings, everybody from other classes started to go out and make noises, it reminds me of the crowd i usually hear when shopping in the market with my grandmother. The leader leads us to the prayer and we greet our teacher goodbye. We pack our books and put it on our locker. We grab our bags and carry them on our back. We also carry our heavy folders in our hands. We went out the class as soon as possible and joined the crowd out. We chat and walked through the hallway. This is the moment when we suddenly wake up from our daydreams and cheered up like we're going somewhere we haven't gone before. Sometimes people made their way to the basketball field to practise their skills of playing basketball. Some students qued to use the public telephone in the lobby to make a call. Some goes to the library and do some researches there. Some goes to the canteen and do homeworks or projects with their friends. Some also have classes to join with their teachers. Some teachers have meetings to go. Some other teachers teach extra classes. The school was so busy with their own duties. I walk down stairs and go out from the school. It was so crowded, i'm going to die. Everybody outside are also walking and looking for their moms and dads. As they make their way out, they meet their parents or even their driver and go home. Some buys foods for their way home. Some others goes to Istana Plaza and hang out there. Some goes to Circle K. Some goes to ANEKA fotocopy shop to buy some stationaries and stuffs. While me and some of my friends crosses the street together. I make myself walk through the sidewalks and go to my employee who always pick me up after school. Then we go home safely. It was a long tiring day.

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4 komentar:

  1. This writing is already nice, however I think this is more to a narrative writing rather than a descriptive writing. You need to use more descriptive words. :)

    BalasHapus
  2. I think you already did good, but you need to use more descriptive words rather than common words which make your writing similar to narrative writing than descriptive one. :)

    BalasHapus
  3. I think that this article is quite okay. The main thing that you need to improve is that you need to be more descriptive. You focused too much in telling what were you doing on that day that you forgot this is a descriptive text. I think you must focus more on describing more about the situation. There are some sentences that is not important. Also, there are some sentences that are not that clear. Using correct punctuation will also help you to improve in descriptive writing. Overall, it was okay.

    BalasHapus
  4. My opinion is the writing is good you give brief explanation and very clear I understand the writing but some words are not correctly spelled

    BalasHapus